February 25, 2008
Out of Turn
I wonder where the idea of turn as a place in sequence, came from. I suppose I can get ‘the turn of the cards” because there’s a turning. But when do we get the notion of my turn in speaking?
We have this relatively new old notion of talking sticks, where whoever has the stick speaks next… There’s something about turn which is precious, inviolate politeness.
I suspect talking out of turn is a sign of arrogance, of not paying attention to others; that would have you assume that what you had to say was so important.
I was always like that. Perhaps I would say, “Excuse me” or some such, to preface and permit my interruption. But I would often interrupt, because I didn’t listen.
This would guarantee that I wouldn’t be listened to either. Rudeness trumps credibility.
But, surprise, listening isn’t just polite. (Im)Patiently waiting your turn is not listening. Listening is the greatest gift we have to give to another. It allows value to their words, even when they’re just chatter. Once I shut up I started learning. It’s the greatest value I give to my clients.
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Arrogance diminishes wisdom.
No one is as deaf as the man who will not listen.
The reality of the other person lies not in what he reveals to you, but what he cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand him, listen not to what he says, but rather to what he does not say.
Know how to listen, and you will profit even from those who talk badly.
When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen
No One Listens
No one listens any more;
They hear too much
Our ears are overtaken by our ads
And we, at last, have
Learned to tune out
How sad and even absurd
when I now want me to be heard.
How can I wait my turn
When there is no longer a turn
I cannot even scratch my fingers
On the board
To speak by using
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